Euro 2008 draw: Minute-by-minute

11am: Hello folks, and welcome to live minute-by-minute coverage of the Euro 2008 draw. Any comments/questions/abuse can be directed to my inbox at liamdavidodonnell@hotmail.co.uk.

Pre-amble: First of all, while we're waiting for the real action to begin, let's pause for a minute to pay our respects to those who have not made it. 2008's edition will be a Home Nations-lite edition, which is, of course, a great tragedy. Think about it: no long -ball football, no mention of destiny pre-determining English supremacy at a major tournament. And let's think also of all the lost revenue at all those WAG-free boutiques and fan-free bars, of all the chairs and tables that won't be lobbed across city squares, all the fountains that won't be urinated in. (What a waste...)

11:11: Now presenting the only Scot that will make an appearance anywhere near the tournament, David Taylor (former SFA chief and current UEFA general secretary.) He says the draw will never be exciting as the football (he can't have seen Switzerland-Ukraine in last year's World Cup.)

11:15: Things I'm looking forward to in Euro 2008:

a) No WAGS
b) No flags
c) No England training coverage
d) Matches featuring non-Home Nations sides not being treated as mere sideshows
e) Being able to follow my ancestral past and cheer on the Poles (even as they crash out of the tournament without a single point.)
f) AC Jimbo and his pod friends (Barry's Big-Ron style butcherings of assorted foreign languages will again be hilarious, I'm sure.)

Things I'm dreading:

a) Motty banging on about the War if Germany are drawn with Poland or the Czechs
b) Motty full stop
c) Clive Tyldesley resurrecting that lame Mutu-Pokemon gag given Romania's presence at the finals.
d) Complaints from the press and fans that "it's just not the same without England" (you're right, it's better.)
e) Another Greece victory (at least if they play as negatively as last time.)

11:23: Roger Federer and Hermann Meier are now taking us on a guided tour of the Swiss and Austrian venues (cue this column's face going green with envy at not being able to go.)

11: 25: A quick aside to talk about the possibility of a Group Of Death (TM): Raymond Domenech has been complaining (not unjustifiably) about the bizarre seeding policy which could end up producing a group containing Holland, Italy, Germany and France (personally, I don't know why Domenech is afraid of facing a Dutch side that lost in Romania and could only beat Luxembourg 1-0 at home, but there you go.) On a serious note, though, the Grauniad's staff and agencies claim that France's 4th seeding is due to their relatively poor qualifying results for Germany 2006 and Austria/Switzerland 2008, but France have also had much tougher groups than, say, Sweden, Czech Republic and Holland, so results are bound to be poorer with that in mind.

11:30: I've noticed that there have been a lot of choral/operatic performances at this draw (not that UEFA are ones to trade in stereotypes related to a tournament taking place in Central Europe, of course.)

11:35: Still lots of dignitaries congratulating each othzzzzzzz................ Oh, the planning for the tournament is going well, the hosts will be very welcomizzzzzzzzz...........

11:37: Getting closer now: Giovanni Ivantino (deputy general secretary of UEFA) is explaining the technicalities (the Swiss will be in Group A, and the Austrians will be in B.) Domenech has yet to anrgily decry the rules determining seeding yet (will let you know if he's evicted.)

11:40: It's starting: Peter Schmeichel has drawn ... HOLLAND. They will be in Group C.

11:41: That leaves: GREECE in Group D.

11:42: In group A, we will have.... TURKEY in Group A with the Swiss (talk turns to the battle of Istanbul.) They will be in position A4 in the Group.

11:43: Yay! POLAND have the Austrians in Group B. And they are in position B4.

11:44: And FRANCE have Holland! It's happened! A Group of Death is developing! And they will be in position C4.

11:45: Last ball of the bottom seeds, and it's RUSSIA (obviously.) And they'll be D4.

11:46: There's still hope for the French; they should be able to beat Sweden and the Czechs.

11:47: PORTUGAL will be in Group A (easy ride for Scolari, then.) And they're A3 (Portugal will open with Turkey.)

11:48: GERMANY will play Austria (we have a nice derby there, and "Big Gay" Jogi must be delighted with that.) Oh no, Germany will play Poland (please, BBC, don't take that game and give it to Motson.)

11:49: ROMANIA will be in C with France and Holland (could have been worse for France and the Dutch, but this still looks like the toughest group.)

11:50: SPAIN will be in D (they won't relish playing Greece again, given what happened last time.)

11:51: And playing the Swiss in the opening game will be ... CZECH REPUBLIC. Sorry, can't be bothered allocated group positions any more.

11:52: CROATIA; their fortune continues (they have the Austrians in B.) And Germany avoid Italy (they'll be thrilled with that.)

11:53: ITALY! The Group of Death has unfurled in C!

11:55: Last of all, SWEDEN dodge a bullet by being drawn with Spain, Greece and Russia in D.

So, to confirm, the draw is as follows:

A. SWITZERLAND
CZECH REPUBLIC
PORTUGAL
TURKEY

B. AUSTRIA
CROATIA
GERMANY
POLAND

C. HOLLAND
ITALY
ROMANIA
FRANCE

D. GREECE
SWEDEN
SPAIN
RUSSIA

Well, France and Italy (two of Europe's better sides technically) have every right to feel aggrieved with that draw, as do Romania (a useful side who would probably qualify from any other group): what odds on the top seeded side, Holland, propping up the group? Meanwhile Germany have been gifted a Group of Life (Croatia should join Germany in the knockouts but Poland may have an outside chance; Austria should still perform abysmally, despite the draw being quite kind to them.) Russia should be out of their depth in D (Spain should qualfy without too many problems, but Greece could well edge a somewhat Zlatan Ibrahimovic-dependent Sweden.) Meanwhile, Switzerland could well be the host that does well in this tournament; they are quite a solid side with one or two decent attackers, and ought to edge a ropey Turkey side and a transitional Czech side to join Portugal in the knockouts (the Portuguese, meanwhile, should be thanking their lucky stars that, despite being so mediocre recently, they've been gifted an easily negotiable group phase.)

That's all for now folks. See you soon.
Liam